Revision Essay
Directions:
Each student must revise a portion of their first essay for a grade. This assignment is designed to revamp your first essay using the knowledge you know now or to bring the essay up to college standards.
1. Revise your thesis and topic sentences (present in outline form at the beginning of the revision)
2. One body paragraph
3. Write a 12-15 sentence reflection paragraph explaining what you focused on improving in your revision; discuss how you worked to improve the quality of your organization, content, and language. Be as specific as possible in this piece.
You will address errors or feedback given to you—not merely fix grammar or errors point directly pointed out to you. The content, examples, and citations must undergo meaningful changes as needed. You should also evaluate how you have used your quotations. You will revise the way you integrated your source material by using the methods we have discussed in class.
This means avoiding using “Chopin writes, ‘……’”
You may want/need to use ellipses or brackets to integrate your quotes.
You may also reduce long clunky quotes and only quote important words or phrases that are essential to prove your point.
You will not receive any credit if you hand in an essay with minimal or no work put in to rewrite it. In other words, if you only fix a few sentences and place a few commas, you will automatically receive a failing grade of a 59/F for this assignment. If you hand me the same essay with 3 or less minor changes, you may receive a ZERO. If you put less than minimal effort into your revision, I will not provide comments or feedback—just a grade.
Some ways to improve your writing:
• Tighten your thesis statement
o Make sure it addresses the prompt, is a clear and specific argument.
• Tighten your topic sentences
o The first sentence must be the main idea of your entire paragraph.
• Create more complex sentences
• Choose better vocabulary
• Sharpen your details
• Choose better examples
• Evaluate your use of quotes (dropped quotes, proper citations, etc…)
• Make sure you explain your quotes thoroughly (Say it, show it, explain it).
• Clarify ideas or expand further on them
• Work on grammar, mechanics, style, and informal writing
• See me if you need help.
